"That always happens to me. I'm holding onto something and someone grabs it and sucks it."

"I've never burped. That's actually why Frank Beamer recruited me."

"Semen tastes bad."
-Greg "I know that from going to the naval yard."

Greg- "Tara, go get us another beer, cause you're a woman and that's what you do, you get stuff for us."
Tara- "I hope you chop off your legs and no one marries you."

"When I'm friends with Tyrod, he's going to tell you to fuck off."

Corey: "Don't give her people food."
Talia: "But she is so cute."
Derek: "Well so is Greg but we don't give him people food."
Greg: "That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Greg: "I'd rather have Blue Moon..."
Vance: "Than?"
Greg: "Than Blue Moon with orange."

"I started a Tyrod chant at the milkshake...at the store...at the milkshake store."